I Will Embrace Everything Myself (English Version)

 I Will Embrace Everything Myself (English Version) 

        In every wheel of life that Allah created, everything is good because behind it all, there is certainly a lesson that we can take to understand that the more tests there are, the more rewards there will be behind them if we accept to always be patient and calm, all because of Allah. It can be said that this is very difficult because in reality humans can only accept happiness compared to sadness, even though they should be able to accept both. On the other hand, Kiki is also trying to accept everything so that life becomes better.

        On the other hand, Kiki has a very unhealthy relationship because Kiki is made a second option by the relationship which is very unnatural because the man is not grateful to have Kiki and Kiki also does not know what is really going on because the man left Kiki secretly without reason but Allah is Almighty everything is shown through dreams of course this is extraordinary how Allah works with his own hands without Kiki having to be in his country. Based on this incident Kiki tries to fix herself to be close to Allah because maybe this is also a warning that Allah is jealous of Kiki because Kiki loves the man too much or is this one of the tests where Kiki used to ask Allah to get a husband from the man's country but Allah gave Kiki a test in the form of the man being present in Kiki's life to test Kiki's patience to what extent because every prayer we pray does have a test whether we are strong or weak in the test and that is indeed Allah's performance to his servants.

        Then, the man came and promised the world then Kiki believed him because according to Kiki the man was presented for Kiki to be Kiki's husband in the future because Kiki believed in Allah that the man was the best man because the man could accept Kiki well because Kiki had a trauma in the past where Kiki was always dumped by men in Kiki's country because Kiki was fat and had lots of acne and Kiki was always secretly abandoned by men in Kiki's country but thank God nothing was ever touched everything was safe and this was one of Allah's protections also Kiki never lasted with a man in Kiki's country because Kiki was guarded by Allah not to be touched in sensitive parts Allah is very good.

        In addition, Kiki felt that the man was not the best for Kiki, the proof was that he gave her so many wounds and he had once lived with Kiki for a week and three days without any news and according to Kiki this was very bad because which woman could stand being made single by her own boyfriend. The man made Kiki the most hurt in the man's relationship without Kiki knowing from the beginning it was indeed very painful and on the other hand Allah was also very good because Allah showed everything through Kiki's dreams when she slept at night. Honestly, Kiki cried about how good Allah was to Kiki because it was something extraordinary so from that moment on Kiki had to realize that Kiki was saved by Allah then Allah also gave Kiki a soft heart to be able to forgive the man because not all women can forgive infidelity but Kiki could forgive the man and Kiki promised not to send her boyfriend a message or call the woman because Kiki wanted to avoid a long debate which also drained her emotions and Kiki avoided hating anyone.

        Since then, Kiki has tried to forgive the man because Kiki realized that Kiki is also an ordinary human being who still often apologizes to Allah and for Kiki as long as Kiki still apologizes to Allah then everything Kiki forgives is indeed heavy-hearted to forgive the affair but Kiki realized that this is a test for Kiki how Kiki is patient and tries to be calm even though behind it there are heavy tears falling down Kiki's cheeks where the man did not see Kiki's tears because Kiki hid them then Kiki let it all happen even though Kiki did not want to be the second choice because according to Kiki this is too much but what else can Kiki do, she has to force herself to stop loving him because of Allah because from the beginning Kiki loved him because of Allah too. It feels heavy and I feel sorry for Kiki why she is treated like this but the rice has become porridge what else can Kiki do, hopefully with this patience Kiki will enter Allah's heaven, amen. On the other hand, Kiki feels that Kiki must migrate to be much better but with the note that Kiki forgives the man then Kiki takes a lesson from yesterday's story that loyalty is expensive not everyone can be loyal then humans can betray other humans what about God who is only one then we do not know his form can we be loyal? This is what must be questioned and dare to hurt others then be ready to be hurt by others. Forgiving is certain but forgetting is certainly not if revenge is certainly not because what's the point because the best revenge is to be silent and accept everything because the law of sowing and reaping exists.

        Then, Kiki tried to be kind to anyone because Kiki still hoped that Allah would continue to be kind to the man forever. Kiki hoped that Kiki and the man could learn from the story that a toxic relationship is not good because one is hurt and the other is happy and should be balanced and both are happy. Kiki will continue to forgive no matter how painful the affair is, all for the sake of her mental health and Kiki wants to go to heaven because of Kiki's good deeds. Since long ago, Kiki asked Allah to be with the man so that they could go to heaven together by marrying the man, but the man did not want to, so Kiki tried to accept everything because it could not be forced because Kiki was his play doll for a year. It was very sad and I always wanted to cry when I remembered that Kiki was made his play doll for a year. It was very cruel, like wanting to kill me slowly without having to hold a knife. So what if Kiki was his wife? Surely the man would do the same thing, maybe the man realized when he felt that Allah would call him to sleep forever.

        All the pain that the man gave was very painful the man gave so many tears where at the same time Kiki was accepted as a teacher at one of the schools in her city and at that time Kiki had to force herself to be happy and also tried to look okay but everything fell apart when Kiki was alone in the room crying and contemplating that this relationship was so toxic. Then Kiki tried to make a decision in a forced situation to stop loving him because Kiki tried not to take other people's property and Kiki was also afraid of karma.

        The moral message that Kiki got from the story is that Kiki must be patient, calm and of course accept whatever happens then go through it well and continue to pray, let Allah record everything from beginning to end, then let Allah act and indeed everything is not instant, everything needs a process. On the other hand, Kiki is in the process of being calm and at peace with the situation and Kiki is very good at forgiving and making peace with the man because Kiki wants to go to heaven even though the man does not want to go to heaven with Kiki but Kiki tries to go to heaven by herself with Allah's permission. Kiki left him under duress and Kiki has to follow the path that the man wants because this is the best way, hopefully in the future Kiki will recover and Kiki will continue to try to be close to Allah so that Kiki feels safe, ameen ya Allah. 

        For my great self because of Allah I will hold everything and I will embrace all the wounds given and hopefully this self will always be aware that Allah loves Kiki more. For Kiki, always be enthusiastic I am Kiki hopefully I will be strong and always enthusiastic and I let the man go let Allah's hand work and record everything then Allah will be a witness that Kiki loves him but Kiki is forced to stop and Kiki will do it all for her will let Kiki grow into the first daughter who tries to embrace all the wounds and treat her wounds so that they heal quickly then get closer to Allah. Kiki will remember everything and will be a sweet memory and Kiki does not know yet whether this is a temporary or permanent separation because Allah knows better.